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Dancing, turtles and an awesome party

By Staff | Apr 2, 2015

Dancing legally, these guests at the recent Rotary Club of Lahaina Sunset event at the Royal Lahaina Resort didn’t have to worry about what liquor commissioners would say.

LAHAINA – Kapono Gecko has turned into quite a dancer, even though the Maui County Liquor Control Commission frowns on it at many places. The commission, it seems, does not understand that our economy is built on visitors coming here and having a (sensible) good time.

On Maui, visitors on vacation who often are inclined to get up and dance to a band at popular venues are often violating the law if they do. Restaurant managers can be seen asking them to stop.

Puritans on the commission who would never dream of dancing are busy enforcing 154 pages of regulations on establishments that serve alcohol.

The law includes 39 definitions of behavior in bars but no definition of what dancing is.

If you tap your feet to some hot music, are you dancing? If you sashay toward a tip jar to the tune of music, as does the columnist’s friend “L” (name withheld for discretion), are you dancing? If you are wiggling in your seat to the tune of music – like many women like to do – are you dancing? These questions are a subject of discussion… seriously.

Liquor commissioners reportedly put in some rules on dancing to control strip clubs, pretty much eliminating them legally. In general, you can dance legally at a hotel, or illegally if you are in most bars. The commision apparently thinks dancing prompts lewd behavior.

In the last 15 years, frequently attending venues where music is played, virtually all the dancers dance in good taste. You can sometimes see more provocative dancing that gets a guy’s imagination going at a hula show than in a bar.

Right now, our state legislature is working on some rules to help out the counties by defining dancing while ignoring other more important issues. Thus, the silly season has extended from our County Council all the way to Oahu.

Perhaps it is time for Jon Stewart of Comedy Central to learn about this, so he can offer up appropriate spoofing. Maybe Bill Maher, who hangs out here at New Year’s for a talk at the MACC, could investigate and tip off Jon.

Gecko, for one, wouldn’t mind a rule or two about stepping on someone’s toes, since he risks life and limb every time he takes to the floor. But maybe that is why dancing in many spots is illegal.

ANDREW’S CODE TRANSLATED: The columnist is pleased to bring you a first appearance in print by our six-year-old visiting grandson, who sounds out letters and writes a daily journal. Check this out: “WE WETS SNOOCLING. WE SE TRTOL, IT WUS JINORMIS. WE OLSO SO NSOF FTHS.”

The spell checker on the computer was not able to figure this out, so we asked Mom to translate. She noted, “Dad, you don’t know how to read kindergarten.” She translated: “We saw a turtle. It was Gi-normous. We also saw lots of fish.”

Andrew is also quoted below in a newspaper for the first time for his comment on the Rotary Club of Lahaina Sunset’s “Go for the Green” party, as he called it. Said Andrew, who was gifted a goofy black and green hat, “It was awesome.”

And actually, it was, exceeding its advance billing, especially – you guessed it – with some of the most frenetic, best dancing seen in these parts for a long time.